1 00:00:00,959 --> 00:00:02,543 [TV static drones] 2 00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:05,005 [bright tone] 3 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:10,218 [thunder booms] 4 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,225 [light clatter] 5 00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:20,561 [clock chiming] 6 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:24,773 [cuckoo clock chiming] 7 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:28,068 [tense music] 8 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,614 ? ? 9 00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:35,951 [thunder booms] 10 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:42,792 ? ? 11 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,061 - [gasps] 12 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:08,943 ? ? 13 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:17,702 - [screaming] 14 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:23,707 [gasping] 15 00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:27,169 Oh, it was a dream. [exhales deeply] 16 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,546 Sorry, Keefe. - No, I'm sorry. 17 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,924 It seems your nocturnal terrors and night sweats 18 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,301 have gotten a bit worse. 19 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:35,469 - Nonsense. 20 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:39,014 These are your night sweats coming off on me. 21 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:42,810 - I wish it was that, but I'm dry, brother. 22 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:45,312 - Who cares who's night-sweating, Keefe? 23 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:48,024 - Mm, yeah. - It's just a bad dream... 24 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:52,903 Most likely because of the storm. 25 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,364 I hate storms. 26 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:59,576 I have ever since I was a little boy. 27 00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:02,538 It's like the Devil's peeing on you. 28 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:05,374 - Yes. 29 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,960 Yes, I can picture it. 30 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,963 Satan with his red-hot weenus, 31 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,341 pissing a foul-smelling stream all over us. 32 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,219 The hue is lava orange. 33 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:21,557 The urine is more hot than regular human urine. 34 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:25,936 The concrete beneath it steams as it pours all over the land. 35 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,939 At first, it's gross, but... 36 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:33,735 it's the Devil's piss, so it can play tricks on us... 37 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:37,489 make people think that it's actually delicious. 38 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:41,326 So the people start drinking it up, all of it, 39 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:44,371 thinking that it's a tasty wine cooler 40 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:47,708 or a new slightly bitter kombucha, 41 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:51,378 not realizing that it's Satan's TT. 42 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:55,132 All the while, the Devil sits back, and he laughs. 43 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:58,135 [chuckles] He laughs... 44 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:02,973 watching the humans lick up all this evil rain piss. 45 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:06,268 Can you see it? 46 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,355 - [snores softly] 47 00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:15,195 [thunder booms] 48 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,623 - Your hot sorcery piss can't hurt us in here. 49 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,416 Begone, Devil. 50 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:32,462 [thunder booming] [moaning] 51 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,719 - ? Praise ? 52 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:44,139 ? ? 53 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,768 ? Praise ? 54 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,061 - [squeals] 55 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,188 [gasps] We have to stop. We're being loud. 56 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:52,523 Shh. 57 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,192 [toilet flushes] 58 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,861 - There, now no one can hear us. 59 00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,655 - [laughing] We got to get back. 60 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:02,824 They're gonna be suspicious. We're missing supper. 61 00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:04,159 - Oh. - [gasps] 62 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,245 - I'd rather have me a sweet treat. 63 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,248 - Mm. Mmm. 64 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,166 Oh, you're so bad. 65 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,669 Go on. You go first. Hurry up. 66 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,462 - [groans] - [gasps] 67 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,839 Hmm. 68 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,841 So bad. 69 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:22,219 - ? Lay some happiness on me ? 70 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,972 ? So the brighter side you'll see ? 71 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:28,684 ? No more loneliness to me... ? 72 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,019 - It is so good to be hanging with Gemstones again. 73 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,981 - Corey talks about y'all a lot. 74 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,483 - [laughs] That's because we've had some pretty rockin' times. 75 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:37,484 - Yeah. 76 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:39,695 - I hope the, uh, Mario Brothers over there 77 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,488 save some food for the rest of us. 78 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:45,033 Jesse and BJ looking like mustache twins. 79 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,326 Y'all plan this? 80 00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:47,869 - Why don't you shut the fuck up, Kelvin? 81 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:50,664 Ain't nobody no damn mustache twin. 82 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,542 I had my mustache well before BJ had his. 83 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,544 - Please, dude. BJ grew his. 84 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,255 It looks super macho. And you copied. 85 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,257 - I think we kind of grew them around the same time. 86 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,426 - No, I don't think so, BJ. 87 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:05,554 I had my mustache first, and, like, a week later, 88 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,556 you had a not-as-cool one. - Sensitive. 89 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:08,890 - What the hell are we doing 90 00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,892 talking about goddamn facial hair for? 91 00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:12,811 Just drop it. Enough about the mustaches. 92 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,480 - [laughs] Didn't I tell you they're fun? 93 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,524 - [laughs] Oh, they're so fun. - Too good, man. 94 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:18,900 - I love it. I love the life. 95 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,027 - Oh, man. 96 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,320 Hey, y'all remember when your daddy got us 97 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,155 those Michael Jackson outfits? 98 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,073 - Oh, yeah. - We remember. It's awesome. 99 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:27,576 - I like the thought of y'all as mini Michael Jacksons, 100 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,119 doing moonwalks. 101 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,746 - I begged my daddy for that getup. 102 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,456 He couldn't get it. 103 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,416 Eli, somehow he pulled it off. 104 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,126 - Yeah, I ordered them special 105 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,961 from the same guy that did MJ's. 106 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:41,173 - Yeah, 20 grand each, all with gold cords and everything. 107 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,925 Daddy did not fuck around, did you, Daddy? 108 00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:46,261 - There he goes. - Daddy-he moonwalked. 109 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,263 - The Gemstones always did it big. 110 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:51,099 - Some of us are still doing it big. 111 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,560 Guess who's about to be announced 112 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,312 as one of the nominees 113 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,773 for Top Christ Following Man of the Year. 114 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,733 - Uh-uh. - Moi! 115 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,902 - Oh, that's nice. - Bullshit. 116 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:02,944 They're nominating you 117 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,488 for Top Christ Following Man of the Year? 118 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,822 - Mm-hmm. 119 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,616 - They snub me every single year. 120 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,618 They've only nominated Daddy twice. 121 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,953 - That's quite the honor. Congratulations, Kelvin. 122 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,121 - Thanks, Daddy. 123 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,790 - I got snubbed, too. Fuckers. 124 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:18,418 - It's actually called Top Christ Following Man, Judy. 125 00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:21,880 [laughs] It's for my bravery in starting Prism, 126 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:25,801 for centering individuals who are usually othered by society. 127 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,803 - I don't even know what the fuck that means. 128 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:28,804 Big deal. 129 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,138 - Bigger deal than your Prayer Pods. 130 00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:31,807 - Oh. - You shut up about that. 131 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,308 - What are Prayer Pods? 132 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:36,520 - Prayer Pods are Jesse's dumbass invention 133 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,814 that the church blew a butt ton of money on. 134 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,816 - Everybody's returning them now. 135 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,402 It fucking sucks. It's like, what a waste. 136 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,403 - It's a big waste. 137 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,946 - It was not a fuck-up, all right? 138 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:47,614 We were targeted for our beliefs. 139 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,157 We were chased out of every single airport 140 00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,575 and mall in the country. - Mm-hmm. 141 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,411 - You know, some people want to make fun 142 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,329 and act like people's ideas aren't good. 143 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,832 Meanwhile, there's a goddamn war going on 144 00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,334 against Christianity in this country, all right? 145 00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:01,503 The death of Prayer Pods is the proof. 146 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,671 - Uh, wrong, Jesse. 147 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,507 The death of Prayer Pods, dude, is because people 148 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,300 were jacking off in them. 149 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,678 They were not praying. 150 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,472 Homeboy over here even stocked them full of lotion. 151 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:13,640 - Ew. 152 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,016 - Yeah, you know, on gay Reddit, 153 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,351 they refer to them as squirt yurts. 154 00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:17,477 - Oh! 155 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,187 - For your information, I only put the lotion in there 156 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:20,856 to make sure that your hands didn't get dried out 157 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:21,982 by the sanitizer. 158 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,443 - Are you all taking a walk down goddamn memory lane 159 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,694 without me? 160 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,446 - You spend so much time in the bathroom, 161 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,655 you're gonna miss out, Mama. 162 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,532 - We were talking about a business venture 163 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,994 that Jesse spearheaded that didn't-it didn't go so good 164 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:37,581 and a big prize that Kelvin is being honored with. 165 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,875 - Show some humility for once, okay? 166 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,668 Don't be blowing kisses at me, you little bitch. 167 00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:42,919 Fuck off. 168 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,297 - You guys are too funny, man. - Yeah. 169 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,466 - The way y'all rip on each other. 170 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,301 It must be fun having siblings. - [chuckles] Yeah. 171 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,678 - Try to do it with Jana. - Mm-hmm. 172 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,180 - She don't get it. 173 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,807 Your dress is fucking dumb, Jana. 174 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,143 - Oh, wow. - Oh! 175 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,395 [laughter] - Well, no, that's just mean. 176 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:02,022 That's not funny. 177 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,191 - No, I'm just ripping, like siblings do. 178 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,859 - But I'm your wife. 179 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:06,943 - Don't be mean. 180 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,737 - Yeah, don't be mean. - I'm not. 181 00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,447 I'm just ripping. - He ain't being mean. 182 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,657 He's ripping. Rip Van Winkle. Rip, rip, 183 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,409 - Let me rip on Mr. Eli. - Okay, okay. 184 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,702 - Yeah, yeah, do it, Corey. - Should I? 185 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,412 - Yes, yes. - Do it. Do Eli. 186 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:18,914 - Let it go on Daddy. Do it. 187 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,248 - Yeah, rip. 188 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,501 - Eli, looks like you got a little hickey on your neck. 189 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,085 - Oh. - Right by the collar. 190 00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:26,713 - Oh. - [laughs] 191 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:27,923 - [spits] 192 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,050 - Bullshit. 193 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,594 - That's-that's-that's- that's not-not a hickey. 194 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:35,096 It's a mosquito bite. 195 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,306 - [laughs] 196 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:39,100 Corey, that was a pretty sneaky little rip right there. 197 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:43,438 It works because Daddy is such a nerd who gets no action. 198 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:44,439 - Yeah. 199 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,566 - Definitely not cool enough to have a hickey. 200 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,109 Good. - Daddy's rizzless. 201 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,904 - Yeah, he can't get within, like, 12 miles of no pussy. 202 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,113 Right, Daddy? 203 00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:55,116 - He seems pretty cool to me. - [mouth full] He's very cool. 204 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,993 - He's not. - He isn't. 205 00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:59,579 [laughter] 206 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,123 - Hey. Wait a minute. 207 00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:05,877 Are those two acting weird, or is it just me? 208 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,755 - "Weird"? Weird how? 209 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,590 - I mean, I did notice they were taking pisses 210 00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:11,758 at the same exact time, 211 00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,385 but I just kind of wrote that off 212 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,970 to just typical old-people shit. 213 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,555 - Are they fucking each other? 214 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,140 - [scoffs, laughing] What? - What? 215 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:21,268 Okay. - Corey. 216 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,602 - Well, my mom is trying to make 217 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,229 herself look good all the time now, 218 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,648 putting on makeup and perfumes and stuff. 219 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:27,983 - Ugh, that's so gross. 220 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,651 Just like picture sweet Miss Lori, 221 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,487 you know, like, nude in her bathroom, 222 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,155 like, splashing on some CK1 223 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:37,325 so she can get railed by Eli's big old floppy daddy dick. 224 00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,660 - Oh, God. 225 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:41,162 - Your mama was our mama's best friend, okay? 226 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,998 So don't even think those thoughts. 227 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,291 Those are nasty thoughts. 228 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:47,002 - Corey still thinking Daddy's fucking. 229 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,546 - Silly bird, Corey. [laughter] 230 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,631 Okay. 231 00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:54,676 - Daddy ain't fucking. That's so stupid. 232 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,844 - Stupid like you thinking 233 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:59,014 you're gonna get the Top Christ Following Man nomination. 234 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,807 - Ooh! Ooh! 235 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:03,643 - Ha ha! Yes! - Ooh, he's butthurt. 236 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:06,187 - Did you see Jesse's face when I told him 237 00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:08,523 about the Top Christ Following Man nomination? 238 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,442 The light just left his eyes. 239 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,111 - You bested him, for sure. - Mm-hmm. 240 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:15,822 Could you imagine if I actually won 241 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:18,033 Top Christ Following Man of the Year? 242 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,451 - I can picture it now. 243 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,537 All the other nominees have exited this mortal world, 244 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:26,207 and it is just you, one singular solo onstage, 245 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,628 the true Top Christ Following Man of the Year. 246 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,046 - What the heck is that? 247 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,632 - Well, it's just me imagining your victory. 248 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,216 - No. - Heads up! 249 00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:37,260 - That. - Okay, okay! 250 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:41,723 [indistinct shouting] 251 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:44,225 - That storm took out a whole side. 252 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:46,102 It doesn't look safe. We're gonna demo it. 253 00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:48,688 - Demolish? 254 00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:51,775 As in destroy? As in cease to exist? 255 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,068 Uh-uh. 256 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:56,404 No, Groundskeeper Aaron, this is my childhood tree house. 257 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:59,908 Oh, look at you, knowing big words like "demo." 258 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,242 I know words. 259 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:03,912 Annihilate, obliterate, devastate. 260 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,038 - Synonyms. 261 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,415 - And you can't do any of those things 262 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,501 to my childhood playscape, all right? 263 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,170 I forbid it. 264 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,338 - Sure. 265 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,215 Okay, you're the boss. 266 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:18,259 Hey, boys, don't bust it. 267 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:19,761 He's keeping it. 268 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:21,596 [cheering] 269 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:23,181 - Hell, yeah. 270 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:26,267 - I know you think my daddy is your mentor figure, 271 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:30,438 but I think it's time you give your old man a shot, okay? 272 00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:33,024 Mentoring begins right now. 273 00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:37,278 Greetings, salutations, Martin, leadership team. 274 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:39,489 How are you? - We are fine, Jesse. 275 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,908 - Now, you see how I kicked that off with some niceties? 276 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,660 I also kind of throw in a joke sometimes 277 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,787 just to keep the spirit light, like this. 278 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,664 Fuck me up, leadership team. [chuckles] 279 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:51,126 What sort of bad news you gonna sling at me today? 280 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,128 - Vance Simkins opened up another church 281 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,714 right next to one of ours. 282 00:11:54,773 --> 00:11:58,675 - Chad, I'm trying to do lessons here, man. 283 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,136 You sitting here spitting bad news for real? 284 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,971 - Oh, I-I thought you were asking. 285 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:06,141 - Well, I am asking, but I'm just- 286 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,685 [scoffs] Another fucking church. 287 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:11,771 Another mini-mall church encroachment. 288 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:13,064 God damn it! 289 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,232 Fuck! 290 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,608 Shit! 291 00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:16,818 Mini mall! 292 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,945 Fuck! 293 00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:20,488 Pause right there. 294 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,157 Now, that is not Chad's fault, 295 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,950 so I cannot get angry with Chad. 296 00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:25,827 That is called killing the messenger. 297 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:28,830 If I'm going to cuss because what he said upsets me, 298 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,291 it is important I do not cuss at him. 299 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:34,753 I can cuss around him, cuss in the air above his head, 300 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,087 by the sides of his ears. 301 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,422 That is totally fine. 302 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,423 Fuck you. 303 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,049 Are you writing any of this down? 304 00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,469 - I feel like I'm following just orally. 305 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,013 - Okay, I mean, this is a lot of very valuable stuff 306 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:47,182 I'm teaching you here, but, yeah, sure, just wing it. 307 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,350 [chuckles] Now, I know that Matthew 308 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:51,895 and Chad and Levi and Gregory, 309 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,855 they would probably suggest visiting 310 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:57,525 a little violence upon him. [laughter] 311 00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,235 - Not a good idea. 312 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:00,987 - Exactly. - Oh, come on. 313 00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,989 - That is not how we handle things 314 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,866 now that we are elder statesmen. 315 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:08,328 We are respectable members of society. 316 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,871 - We are? - Right. 317 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,873 - Yes, Matthew. Of course we are. 318 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,209 Martin, what's the play? 319 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,544 How you think we pop this off this time? 320 00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:18,546 - You could visit these churches, 321 00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:20,632 shore up the congregation, 322 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,885 give them attention so they aren't poached. 323 00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,053 - That's it. 324 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:28,848 A reasonable solution for reasonable men. 325 00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,225 [chuckles] 326 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:33,520 You're seriously not writing any of this down? 327 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,646 - No. 328 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,564 - Should we write stuff down, too? 329 00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,399 - Yeah, Levi I would love for you 330 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,819 to fill your pockets with rocks and write all of this 331 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,362 on the bottom of the ocean. 332 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:45,406 [laughter] 333 00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:48,201 [upbeat music playing] 334 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,620 - ? Jump to the right ? 335 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,205 ? Jump to the left ? 336 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,082 ? Stop ? 337 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:57,252 - Don't you worry about those idiots, okay? 338 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,629 All you need to do is go out there 339 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,422 and bring home the gold. 340 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:02,675 You got this. 341 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,262 both: Eye of the tiger, dick of a horse, 342 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:10,598 take no prisoners, show no remorse. 343 00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:13,601 [applause, music continues] 344 00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,728 ? ? 345 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,106 [cheering] 346 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:21,609 [frenetic electronic music] 347 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,278 - Go, BJ! 348 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,696 - ? Legends live forever ? 349 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,281 ? Rebels never die ? 350 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,074 ? Live life to the fullest ? 351 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:30,410 ? Don't be afraid to die ? 352 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,120 ? Legends live forever ? 353 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,080 ? Rebels never die ? 354 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,790 ? Life is now or never ? 355 00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:37,542 ? Never is a lie ? 356 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,460 ? Legends live forever ? 357 00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:41,129 ? Rebels never die ? 358 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,214 ? Live life to the fullest ? 359 00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,258 ? Don't be afraid to die ? 360 00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,093 ? Legends live forever ? 361 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:49,095 ? Rebels never die ? 362 00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:55,977 ? ? 363 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,813 - Look how strong my husband is-we're married. 364 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:02,275 ? ? 365 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,153 [cheers and applause] 366 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:09,365 ? ? 367 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,618 That's my man right there. 368 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:14,329 ? ? 369 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,830 [audience groans] 370 00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,624 My darling. 371 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,126 [BJ groaning] 372 00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:22,754 BJ, it's your wife, Judy. 373 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,674 Somebody call a fucking ambulance! 374 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:34,015 - Judy. - Finally. 375 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,017 - Oh, I'm so sorry. 376 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,977 - Oh, my God. - It'll be all right. 377 00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:40,355 - Miss Lori came, too. That's so sweet. 378 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,440 How'd you even know? 379 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,359 - How did I know what? 380 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,486 - Like, to come here to see about BJ. 381 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:50,239 - I was-I was just at... 382 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,574 I was in my car. 383 00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,868 Yeah, just a sexless older lady. 384 00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:55,328 - Okay. 385 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,205 - And then your papa happened to give me 386 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,748 a-a ring on the phone. 387 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,917 - That's so weird because I could have sworn 388 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:04,879 I saw the two of you show up together. 389 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,547 - What? - That's right. 390 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:09,550 No, we did, because, uh... 391 00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:12,887 I was no longer able to drive an automobile. 392 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,180 And Mr. Gemstone- 393 00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:16,099 - None of this-none of this is very important right now. 394 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,725 - Yeah, I know, Daddy. Thank you. 395 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:18,851 That's what I'm thinking, 396 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,229 'cause I'm, like, in a code-red crisis over here, 397 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,398 and it's like, everybody's just talking about transpo. 398 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,400 No offense, Miss Lori. I don't want to hurt you. 399 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,402 - Dudes, shut up. 400 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:28,987 BJ's gonna be A-okay. 401 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,905 - Yeah, I think the thing you got to get your head around 402 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:32,532 is a lot of time when people do surgeries, 403 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:33,825 they got to shave ya. 404 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,702 So probably gonna have to pop that mustache off him, 405 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:36,744 you know? 406 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,746 Make sure his face doesn't get any weird infections 407 00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:39,998 or gonorrheas. 408 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,750 - You motherfucker, Jesse. 409 00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:45,086 BJ's in there fighting for his damn life, 410 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,422 and you're out here trying to gank his style for your own. 411 00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:49,215 - Ain't nobody trying to gank nobody's style. 412 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,591 I'm trying to cheer you up. 413 00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:52,218 I'm saying, worst-case scenario, you know, 414 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,720 he loses his mustache. 415 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,763 It's probably the best thing for anybody, anyway. 416 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,765 - You are trying to drink his facial fashions. 417 00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,559 Trying to fucking guzzle him. 418 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,227 - Stop trying to act like fucking BJ 419 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,770 trademarked fucking mustaches. 420 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,814 News flash-he didn't. - You damn bitch. 421 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,442 You damn bitch. 422 00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:10,778 [exhales sharply] Here's the doctors. 423 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:13,489 [somber music] 424 00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:18,244 ? ? 425 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,996 - I'm so sorry. 426 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:22,582 ? ? 427 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,917 - I was so close. [door opens] 428 00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:27,712 [footsteps approaching] I misjudged my spin speed. 429 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,464 - Just relax, okay? 430 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,551 You don't need to do pole math right now. 431 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,723 [cries, sniffles] 432 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,559 - Don't cry. I'll be okay. 433 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,896 - I'm sorry, but I don't know. 434 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,981 BJ, the nurses are- 435 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,275 they're saying stuff about wheelchairs, 436 00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:52,528 and one of them even was talking about stair lifts, 437 00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:56,282 like Mrs. Deagle has in "Gremlins." 438 00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:58,868 What are we gonna do, Beej? 439 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,871 [dramatic music] 440 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:09,004 ? ? 441 00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:18,012 [upbeat electronic music] 442 00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:25,062 ? ? 443 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:43,830 - Jesse, did you hear? 444 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,123 Vance was nominated 445 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,291 for Top Christ Following Man of the Year. 446 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:48,292 - Big whoop. 447 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,545 - Well, it is a big whoop, Jesse. 448 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:54,257 I thought I'd at least be going up against you. 449 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:56,551 But I guess your homosexual brother 450 00:18:56,552 --> 00:19:00,513 is the Gemstone with the juice these days. 451 00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:03,099 Well, I look forward to wiping my ass with him. 452 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:06,060 - Gross, man. I'm trying to eat. 453 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:09,063 - Apparently quails aren't the only thing 454 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:10,398 dropping out of the sky. 455 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,733 I hear a Gemstone took a fall. 456 00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:15,862 Your brother-in-law- he hurt himself pretty bad. 457 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:19,240 Word on the street is he was stripping. 458 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,242 [laughter] 459 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,953 - He was doing male competitive pole dancing, 460 00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,329 for your information. 461 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:28,749 - How many homosexuals does that make in your family now? 462 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,543 - Two. 463 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:35,423 The same number of dead parents in your family, Vance. 464 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,925 [laughs] Boom. 465 00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:40,261 Conquered again. 466 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,597 - You haven't conquered me. 467 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:46,100 You're actually losing in our rivalry... 468 00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:48,436 - [scoffs] - Due to your poor character. 469 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,104 - Pssh. Get real. 470 00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,106 I ain't losing our rivalry. 471 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,400 You're losing. I'm doing the winning. 472 00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:56,027 [chuckles] - Oh, really? 473 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,820 Well, that's interesting. - [laughs] 474 00:19:57,821 --> 00:20:00,615 - I guess that's why I opened up six churches 475 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,617 in your backyard. 476 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,952 - That's because you're playing games, boy. 477 00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:06,787 Opening up mini-mall churches in towns 478 00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:09,248 we've already established- you better knock it off. 479 00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:12,001 - Afraid of a little competition, Jesse? 480 00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,002 - Pssh. 481 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,338 - Just because there's a McDonald's in town 482 00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:19,175 don't mean there ain't room for a Burger King. 483 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,426 - You know what? 484 00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:22,970 Go ahead. Open up those churches. 485 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,430 Waste your money. 486 00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,432 I'll shut those suckers down, 487 00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:28,434 turn them into giant bathrooms 488 00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:31,062 where people that go to my church can go in to make poops. 489 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:34,232 - Bathrooms are what you've turned your churches into, 490 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,442 with that filth your brother's been preaching. 491 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:39,487 It's what your church is becoming known for. 492 00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:42,448 Does that bother you? - No. 493 00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:44,242 Absolutely not... 494 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,452 because that is not what my church is known for. 495 00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:49,497 My church is known for the stuff that I do as well. 496 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:53,960 - Keep telling yourself that, Jesse. 497 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:56,963 [angelic music] 498 00:20:56,964 --> 00:21:01,008 ? ? 499 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,469 Oh, my. 500 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:06,347 Oh, it's getting very serious in here, isn't it? 501 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:09,183 - You think I'm intimidated by the circling of the men? 502 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:11,060 - You should be. - Well, I'm not. 503 00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:13,854 I can circle the men, too. 504 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:17,191 ? ? 505 00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:19,485 - Oh, my. 506 00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:21,696 - It's not a big deal. 507 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,490 - Okay, any fly-aways? How are my teeth? 508 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:27,493 - Show is live in 5, 4, 3... 509 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:29,203 - All right. - All right. 510 00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,205 - Hello, brothers and sisters. 511 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:34,125 It's your old friend in Christ Jacob Jones. 512 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,502 And tonight we announce the nominees 513 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:39,297 for the Top Christ Following Man of the Year. 514 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,548 - Whoo! 515 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:43,217 - We've picked five ministers from around the world 516 00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:46,637 who represent the best of the best. 517 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:48,389 - That's a pretty big deal. 518 00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:49,724 - Through a series of events, 519 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:51,851 they shall compete against one another 520 00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:56,897 to determine who is the one true Top Christ Following Man. 521 00:21:56,898 --> 00:21:58,399 - Okay, okay. 522 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,734 They're about to announce your boy. 523 00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:00,735 Bring the energy. 524 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,570 - Church in Reno, Nevada, 525 00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:04,238 a man dedicated to- 526 00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:05,906 - Oh, that's not you. - This is not me. 527 00:22:05,907 --> 00:22:07,033 This is not me. 528 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:11,537 - Put your hands together for Reggie Daniels. 529 00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:14,081 - I'm your Top Christ Following Man. 530 00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:16,250 Blessings be to God. 531 00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:18,294 - Paid extras. Paid extras. 532 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:19,712 Don't-don't applaud. 533 00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:22,089 - From Rogers, South Carolina... 534 00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:24,633 - I'm next, okay? A lot of energy. 535 00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:26,594 But act like I didn't tell you. 536 00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:29,096 - And impressive man... 537 00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:31,265 Kelvin Gemstone. 538 00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:34,352 [cheers and applause] - Wow. 539 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:37,104 Thank you. Oh, my God. 540 00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:40,274 [celebratory music playing] 541 00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:47,365 ? ? 542 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,200 - I'll come up with something else. 543 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:52,036 I got a shitload of different great ideas 544 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,205 for money inventions, like- 545 00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:56,791 I have, like, so many other ideas that will be successful, 546 00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:58,042 I bet. 547 00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:00,961 - Oh, Jesse, just because your brother is doing big things 548 00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:02,296 shouldn't make you feel bad. 549 00:23:02,297 --> 00:23:03,964 - It feels like I just finally got out 550 00:23:03,965 --> 00:23:05,966 from underneath my damn daddy's shadow, 551 00:23:05,967 --> 00:23:08,177 and now my younger brother decides he wants to start 552 00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:10,638 casting fucking shadows. 553 00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:14,308 Got a family full of damn shadow casters. 554 00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:17,311 [somber music] 555 00:23:17,312 --> 00:23:24,444 ? ? 556 00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:37,623 - What are you looking at? 557 00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:40,626 What the fuck are you looking at? 558 00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:43,671 I'll wipe that fucking smirk right off your face, white boy. 559 00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:45,673 - [groans] 560 00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:52,764 ? ? 561 00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:57,017 - They're over there trying to laugh at you 562 00:23:57,018 --> 00:23:58,644 because you're in a wheelchair. 563 00:23:58,645 --> 00:24:00,688 I won't fucking have it. 564 00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:02,857 You know what I'm saying? I'll fuck them up. 565 00:24:02,858 --> 00:24:05,651 We're just gonna get you up out of this. 566 00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:08,404 - [groaning] 567 00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:11,073 - Okay, good, Beej. [grunts forcefully] 568 00:24:11,074 --> 00:24:14,034 That's good, BJ. This is so easy. 569 00:24:14,035 --> 00:24:15,703 [both grunting] 570 00:24:15,704 --> 00:24:18,247 This is gonna be a cinch for us. 571 00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:20,833 [grunts] 572 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:21,876 [laughter] 573 00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:24,044 - Smelled like cat piss. 574 00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:25,546 - Damn it to hell. 575 00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:27,548 - That's okay, Beej. - I'm sorry. 576 00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:30,092 - No, don't worry, dude. - Thank you, Keefe. 577 00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:32,052 - No one's judging you for spilling. 578 00:24:32,053 --> 00:24:35,431 - Can everyone just talk and eat like every Sunday, please? 579 00:24:35,432 --> 00:24:37,141 I don't want pity. 580 00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:40,060 - Shut the fuck up, Hot Wheels. You said treat you like normal. 581 00:24:40,061 --> 00:24:41,812 [laughter] 582 00:24:41,813 --> 00:24:42,897 - Yes. - Master of rips. 583 00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:44,982 - Rip, rip! - Fuck y'all! 584 00:24:44,983 --> 00:24:47,985 BJ's in a wheelchair. I don't know if you noticed. 585 00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:49,904 - It's kind of hard to miss. - Stop being monsters, then. 586 00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:51,489 - No one's acting like monsters. 587 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:52,907 We're sitting here having conversations. 588 00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:54,533 - You are acting like monsters, Jesse. 589 00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,076 - Okay, well, I won't have conversations, okay? 590 00:24:56,077 --> 00:24:57,495 Since you're the boss of conversations. 591 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,663 - Okay, seriously. What's up? 592 00:24:59,664 --> 00:25:01,499 I keep seeing looks. 593 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,709 - "Looks"? 594 00:25:03,710 --> 00:25:06,504 - What looks? - Eli and my mama. 595 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:09,465 They're doing looks. - They're doing looks? 596 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:10,549 - Daddy, Miss Lori, if y'all are laughing 597 00:25:10,550 --> 00:25:13,719 'cause BJ is in a wheelchair at the table 598 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,263 instead of a regular chair, I'm gonna flip my shit. 599 00:25:16,264 --> 00:25:17,890 - That is funny. - No, it's not. 600 00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,935 - Oh, what's up? We standing up doing speeches now? 601 00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:22,770 - All right, I have struggled telling y'all this. 602 00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:25,314 There never seemed to be a good time. 603 00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:27,650 There's certainly more important things going on, 604 00:25:27,651 --> 00:25:29,735 but, uh... 605 00:25:29,736 --> 00:25:31,946 it's silly to keep hiding this. 606 00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:34,281 Miss Lori and I have been spending time together. 607 00:25:34,282 --> 00:25:35,908 - Duh, Daddy. 608 00:25:35,909 --> 00:25:38,994 We're all spending time together-it's lunch. 609 00:25:38,995 --> 00:25:42,873 - No, Kelvin, honey, I think what your daddy meant to say- 610 00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:44,960 - You're fucking him, aren't you? 611 00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:51,924 - Wait, is that what's going on? 612 00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:53,759 - Do you have confirmation of that, Daddy? 613 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:54,760 - That's not what's going on. 614 00:25:54,761 --> 00:25:56,136 There's no confirmation on that. 615 00:25:56,137 --> 00:25:57,638 Say it, Daddy. Say the real thing. 616 00:25:57,639 --> 00:25:59,431 - It's true. 617 00:25:59,432 --> 00:26:02,434 [dramatic music] 618 00:26:02,435 --> 00:26:04,979 - I lost my appetite. - Oh. 619 00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:07,106 - No offense, Gemstones. 620 00:26:07,107 --> 00:26:09,275 I blame this on my mama. 621 00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:11,443 Can't stop falling in love all the time. 622 00:26:11,444 --> 00:26:13,654 - You are way out of line, buddy. 623 00:26:13,655 --> 00:26:15,197 - Am I? 624 00:26:15,198 --> 00:26:17,700 ? ? 625 00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:19,785 Let's go, Jana. 626 00:26:19,786 --> 00:26:20,995 - Okay. 627 00:26:20,996 --> 00:26:23,372 Bye, Gemstones. Bye. 628 00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:27,042 - That's Mama's best friend, Daddy. 629 00:26:27,043 --> 00:26:28,335 Really? 630 00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:30,546 - I can't believe you would do this to me, Daddy, 631 00:26:30,547 --> 00:26:32,548 with the fucking state my husband's in. 632 00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:35,467 He's an invalid, in case you didn't notice. 633 00:26:35,468 --> 00:26:38,012 - Did you guys do stuff? 634 00:26:38,013 --> 00:26:40,347 - That's none of your business. - Oh, my God. 635 00:26:40,348 --> 00:26:43,350 This is like horror-movie shit, dude. 636 00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:45,769 I thought you were my mama's ride-or-die. 637 00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:47,521 - I was, Judy. 638 00:26:47,522 --> 00:26:49,273 And she was mine, too. 639 00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:52,359 - It's okay, sweetheart. - [crying] I don't- 640 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,111 - There, there, sweet prince. 641 00:26:54,112 --> 00:26:56,155 - Are they crying? 642 00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:59,033 - Of course they are. 643 00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:00,492 Daddy, you slut! 644 00:27:00,493 --> 00:27:02,328 - Baby, it's okay to be upset. 645 00:27:02,329 --> 00:27:03,621 - I'm not upset. - Okay. 646 00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:05,539 - They're the ones that are crying, not me. 647 00:27:05,540 --> 00:27:07,666 - Jesse, you're fucking crying, too. 648 00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:09,668 - [crying] I am not. 649 00:27:09,669 --> 00:27:16,050 ? ? 650 00:27:16,051 --> 00:27:19,053 [chair banging against table] 651 00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:21,055 ? ? 652 00:27:21,056 --> 00:27:22,349 - Oh, God. 653 00:27:24,517 --> 00:27:27,728 - Let me guess. [muffled shouting] 654 00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:29,438 all: [muffled] He's fucking her! 655 00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:32,441 He's fucking her! He's fucking- 656 00:27:32,442 --> 00:27:34,610 - [pounding on door] Come out of there! 657 00:27:34,611 --> 00:27:37,029 You can't hide in the freezer at Jason's Steak House. 658 00:27:37,030 --> 00:27:39,573 Come out! 659 00:27:39,574 --> 00:27:41,033 Come out of there! 660 00:27:41,034 --> 00:27:43,077 What the hell's the matter with y'all? 661 00:27:43,078 --> 00:27:45,245 - What the hell's the matter with you, dirty old Daddy? 662 00:27:45,246 --> 00:27:47,706 - Mama is flipping in her grave! 663 00:27:47,707 --> 00:27:49,416 [door closes] - What do you want from me? 664 00:27:49,417 --> 00:27:52,419 What do you want from me? 665 00:27:52,420 --> 00:27:54,213 Am I supposed to stay all alone? 666 00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:55,839 Am I supposed to stay sad? 667 00:27:55,840 --> 00:28:00,678 Am I supposed to live the rest of my life in mourning? 668 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:02,262 - Yes! 669 00:28:02,263 --> 00:28:04,264 Is it so hard? 670 00:28:04,265 --> 00:28:06,684 - If I could have... 671 00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:09,269 anything in this world, 672 00:28:09,270 --> 00:28:13,899 I'd have your mama back alive with me. 673 00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:17,111 Oh, God, I'd... 674 00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:19,905 give anything for that. 675 00:28:19,906 --> 00:28:21,281 But... 676 00:28:21,282 --> 00:28:24,827 I can never have that again. 677 00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:28,997 I can never have that again, and it just- 678 00:28:28,998 --> 00:28:32,918 [crying] I've been- I've been so lonely. 679 00:28:32,919 --> 00:28:35,838 [crying] 680 00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:38,924 I wish you could understand. 681 00:28:38,925 --> 00:28:41,677 [sniffles] Please try to understand. 682 00:28:41,678 --> 00:28:45,431 [somber music] 683 00:28:45,432 --> 00:28:48,308 - I'm, uh, sorry that I called you a slut, Daddy. 684 00:28:48,309 --> 00:28:50,310 - We didn't mean to upset you, Daddy. 685 00:28:50,311 --> 00:28:52,312 - It was just "heat of the moment" stuff, Daddy. 686 00:28:52,313 --> 00:28:53,981 - We got a lot going on. 687 00:28:53,982 --> 00:29:01,114 ? ? 688 00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:16,336 - [sighs] 689 00:29:16,337 --> 00:29:19,548 We're all so powerless. 690 00:29:19,549 --> 00:29:23,010 Anything can happen. 691 00:29:23,011 --> 00:29:25,179 - I won't let anything happen to you. 692 00:29:25,180 --> 00:29:28,557 - The Lord can make bad things happen to anyone, Keefe. 693 00:29:28,558 --> 00:29:31,560 [light dynamic music] 694 00:29:31,561 --> 00:29:34,521 He killed my mama, and she was His greatest follower. 695 00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:39,193 ? ? 696 00:29:39,194 --> 00:29:43,155 Back in the day, when Jesse and Judy were mean to me, 697 00:29:43,156 --> 00:29:47,201 I'd come up here and know that no one could get me. 698 00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:49,369 This place made me feel safe. 699 00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:56,503 ? ? 700 00:30:03,551 --> 00:30:06,512 [serious music] 701 00:30:06,513 --> 00:30:12,059 ? ? 702 00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:15,062 [crowd cheering] 703 00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:22,195 ? ? 704 00:30:23,196 --> 00:30:25,531 - Business is open. Come on in. 705 00:30:25,532 --> 00:30:32,455 ? ? 706 00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:36,792 - Thank you! Thank you! 707 00:30:36,793 --> 00:30:40,462 Commitment- we commit to Him and His ways. 708 00:30:40,463 --> 00:30:43,924 And in doing so, that will be what takes us 709 00:30:43,925 --> 00:30:46,051 into the Kingdom of Heaven, 710 00:30:46,052 --> 00:30:50,097 reunited with everybody we ever loved, 711 00:30:50,098 --> 00:30:52,015 everybody we ever lost, 712 00:30:52,016 --> 00:30:56,854 to live for eternity surrounded by love. 713 00:30:56,855 --> 00:30:59,439 Now, we want to deliver you there. 714 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:03,694 We are committed to doing just that. 715 00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:05,696 All we ask in return 716 00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:10,284 is that you commit to us, commit to this church. 717 00:31:10,285 --> 00:31:14,037 all: Amen! [applause] 718 00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:16,582 - Now, don't be led astray by some new church 719 00:31:16,583 --> 00:31:18,625 that wants to set up shop, 720 00:31:18,626 --> 00:31:21,628 presenting itself like it's some new little treat. 721 00:31:21,629 --> 00:31:25,674 Beware of the wannabe... 722 00:31:25,675 --> 00:31:28,677 trying to make you think they got your best interest 723 00:31:28,678 --> 00:31:30,345 at heart. 724 00:31:30,346 --> 00:31:31,930 Be warned. 725 00:31:31,931 --> 00:31:34,474 ? ? 726 00:31:34,475 --> 00:31:36,685 Gemstone Ministries- 727 00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:39,813 that is a name that you can trust. 728 00:31:39,814 --> 00:31:42,941 That is a name that you know will fulfill 729 00:31:42,942 --> 00:31:44,985 all of your spiritual needs. 730 00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:48,030 There ain't nothing you're gonna get out there 731 00:31:48,031 --> 00:31:51,825 that's gonna match what you're getting right here, right now. 732 00:31:51,826 --> 00:31:53,952 [indistinct shouting] 733 00:31:53,953 --> 00:31:55,829 We are good, honest people... 734 00:31:55,830 --> 00:31:57,122 [people whooping] 735 00:31:57,123 --> 00:32:00,125 Out here doing the Lord's work. 736 00:32:00,126 --> 00:32:04,171 And when you join us, when you worship with us... 737 00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:06,673 [laughter, shouting, whooping] 738 00:32:06,674 --> 00:32:09,343 You become a part of our family. 739 00:32:09,344 --> 00:32:13,180 And family, my friends, is forever. 740 00:32:13,181 --> 00:32:16,642 And no matter what, we never turn our back on family. 741 00:32:16,643 --> 00:32:23,733 ? ? 742 00:32:24,901 --> 00:32:28,737 That is our Gemstone commitment 743 00:32:28,738 --> 00:32:30,198 to you. 744 00:32:36,579 --> 00:32:39,539 [dramatic music] 745 00:32:39,540 --> 00:32:42,542 ? ? 746 00:32:42,543 --> 00:32:45,545 [thunder rumbling] 747 00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:52,679 ? ? 748 00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:26,420 [thunder rumbles] 749 00:33:26,421 --> 00:33:33,511 ? ? 750 00:34:03,666 --> 00:34:06,711 [bright tone] 751 00:34:06,761 --> 00:34:11,311 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0